I did what I did not want to do and my body is saying "hallelujah." I hate that satisfactory feeling I get when I look down at my accomplishment. It's nothing to be proud of but it was the only way to counter my start to over eating like crazy tonight. Now, I feel full. Strange isn't it? With an empty stomach, I feel full.
I want to cry. Why can I not be happy with myself? I want to be 115lbs so badly that I am almost willing to get to any length to do it. I hope I can do it the right way and eat, not purge, exercise and not feel like putting a bullet through my fucking head every time I open my mouth and shovel food in.
you're not alone. hang in there
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, I've been restricting myself more than usual for an extended time and my body's actually starting to believe I'm full off of nothing.
ReplyDeleteBe safe, I look in the mirror and ask that question to myself at least twice a day. No bullets or guns involved please, I don't want to lose a new blogger friend!
I can fend for SFG... we know each other in real life and I'll make it my own business that she doesn't hurt herself. :)
ReplyDeleteStick around this blogging community and you will find a lot of like-minded girls who are ready and willing to support you. It sounds like you are at a volatile turning point and ready for change, so very much good luck to you :-)
ReplyDeleteAJ xx
Hey, Babe! I totally understand, I have BED and COE. Every day is a struggle, I fear food and am permanenetly afraid of when the next binge will strike.
ReplyDeleteI realised that I can't live my life in fear, only I have the power to change it. I decided to stop focusing on what is wrong with my life and throw all my time and energy into getting what I want out of it! It made a big difference.
How lucky you are to know Gianni in reality! From reading her blogs and all the lovely comments she leaves on mine, I can only say that I wish I knew her too! She's a lady with a heart of gold!
You can do it, Girl! Go out there and grab life by the balls! Make it your 'bitch'! You're worth it, I believe in you! I hope you feel better soon! <3. XXX.