Thursday, June 9, 2011

[the feeling of full]

I did what I did not want to do and my body is saying "hallelujah." I hate that satisfactory feeling I get when I look down at my accomplishment. It's nothing to be proud of but it was the only way to counter my start to over eating like crazy tonight. Now, I feel full. Strange isn't it? With an empty stomach, I feel full. 

I want to cry. Why can I not be happy with myself? I want to be 115lbs so badly that I am almost willing to get to any length to do it. I hope I can do it the right way and eat, not purge, exercise and not feel like putting a bullet through my fucking head every time I open my mouth and shovel food in. 

5 comments:

  1. I know what you mean, I've been restricting myself more than usual for an extended time and my body's actually starting to believe I'm full off of nothing.

    Be safe, I look in the mirror and ask that question to myself at least twice a day. No bullets or guns involved please, I don't want to lose a new blogger friend!

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  2. I can fend for SFG... we know each other in real life and I'll make it my own business that she doesn't hurt herself. :)

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  3. Stick around this blogging community and you will find a lot of like-minded girls who are ready and willing to support you. It sounds like you are at a volatile turning point and ready for change, so very much good luck to you :-)

    AJ xx

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  4. Hey, Babe! I totally understand, I have BED and COE. Every day is a struggle, I fear food and am permanenetly afraid of when the next binge will strike.

    I realised that I can't live my life in fear, only I have the power to change it. I decided to stop focusing on what is wrong with my life and throw all my time and energy into getting what I want out of it! It made a big difference.

    How lucky you are to know Gianni in reality! From reading her blogs and all the lovely comments she leaves on mine, I can only say that I wish I knew her too! She's a lady with a heart of gold!

    You can do it, Girl! Go out there and grab life by the balls! Make it your 'bitch'! You're worth it, I believe in you! I hope you feel better soon! <3. XXX.

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