Who the FUCK eats an entire can of spam paired with rice? *points to self* This fucking asian girl does. Seriously? LOL I hate how much I love salty food!! Sad Panda!!!
*EDIT!!!* I grew up eating spam. I guess you'd say it's a Korean/Asian thing. My mom made it with all sorts of food and a lot of people can't stand it, BUT... that's the troubles with growing up with comfort food lol*
I need to get into the habit of reading my blog BEFORE eating because I've realized what kind of motivation it gives me. When you girls cheer my success on I feel compelled to stay motivated because I don't want to let anyone down.... but I suppose this is the hard part of being honest with yourself. I fucking binged the FUCK out of dinner tonight.
I woke up at 6 and went to the gym to run with some friends. I cut my mile down by a whole minute so I was totally pumped! I probably burned somewhere around 200 or so calories and then I went and ate a protein bar for breakfast. I ate a delicious spinach salad for lunch with fat free raspberry vinegarette which had me feeling SO full! Then... a little voice in my head said, "you just worked out, why are you stuffing yourself?"
I had this internal battle. I kept saying, this spinach salad is less than 300 calories, DO NOT purge because it will only have negative results. It was like I was a fucking zombie. I found myself face down WORSHIPING the porcelain gods and then returned to work.
I'm feeling guilty as fuck all day. Like, seriously guilty and so what do I do? My emotions take over. I buy COSMIC BROWNIES. I ate three of them. I felt even worse. I cooked an ENTIRE can of light spam with rice and ate EVERYTHING. My stomach was screaming in pain.
Why is it that whenever I start doing well, eating right, exercising, I end up fucking it up and binging my stress away? I swear it's like it never ends.
I will probably purge this. Well, I'm lying to myself if I say "probably." I am going to and I will feel better, prettier, sexier... and perhaps not cry myself to sleep.
Here's to tomorrow! I must take this one day at a time... just maybe this time I won't eat like a damn pig tomorrow and focus on controlling myself. Cheers! <3