Yesterday was a complete fail but it ended up getting better. I had plans to surprise my boyfriend for Fondue and when he got here he said "I'M HUNGRY NOW, LETS EAT" so I said, "Can we wait until 7? I have a surprise for you?" Long story short, I ended up crying because he was being an asshole, he felt bad then we ate at 54th St. I've found a really good way to avoid over eating without having the bf get suspicious... I literally just drink water non-stop to fill up. I only ate 1/4th of the dinner and since he could SEE me eating it wasn't surprising. Plus, I was so upset about the fondue incident that he probably didn't think much of it that I wasn't eating.
Regardless, the pressure got to me and I ended up purging 1/2 of what I ate in the bathroom at the restaurant to justify me eating ice cream later on the evening. Ugh, I hate myself sometimes.
We came back and played some video games and then I decided that I wanted to fuck and so we started kissing and one thing led to another and we were having sex for like an hour! What a good work out, I was so proud. After that, I got completely wasted drunk to forget that fucking horrible day.
Today I went out and mowed the lawn and my dad and bf were hungry so I went out and got stuff for sandwiches. I made big sandwiches, got fat free chips and carrot sticks. They were so happy. Mine was about half the size of theirs and yet here I am, sitting in my bathroom thinking about doing what I don't want to do. I keep thinking, maybe if I don't eat anything else today I won't have to bother...
But... my stomach hurts so bad, it's screaming get this the fuck out of me and I feel this terrible compulsion to comply.